No need for the heroic...

Location: floor

Listening to: The occasional murmur from my sleeping sister

Avoiding: I really just needed a break from HW.

I truthfully am happy.

I will say that.

My mind keeps wandering. I can't focus on the task at hand. I could write about a lot of things. This is on my mind though...
It's like I never really said goodbye to him. We just uttered our silent hopes into the air as we embraced. A tears streaming down cheeks. Knowing that we'll still be friends. It wasn't goodbye. Only a temporary parting.

I could continue, say lots of things. But for now, I'm an ever evolving character of my own story. I suspect my words will change as I grow, they already have.

I know I'll get it right one day.

Slightly Random

Location: Atop a bunk bed

Listening to: Indie radio, such a hipster, I know... only not really

Avoiding: much needed sleep


Much has happened.

I don't even know where to begin. I need to have a serious heart to heart with someone. Alas, it's almost 2 am. Anyone I would want to have this conversation with is dreaming sweet dreams in their dorm rooms.

Thoughts.

There is a little mystery behind every face, every hello, and every goodbye. Personally, I don't believe in goodbyes. They just aren't real to me. It hasn't hit me yet that I could be saying goodbye to one of my very best friends in the next 48 hours for who knows how long?

I like fall. Everything, and everyone just feels so... ALIVE. and I absolutely love it :)

I'm a firm believer in letting people know (especially those far away, or you haven't talked to in a while) that you are thinking of them. I like to write letters and send them. There's just something about the mail.

I know people are intimidated by me. I know what I want in life (getting there's half the battle) I've been reasonably successful with in my high school career. I try my best to be kind, smile, and let people know they're cared for (and not i'm not perfect at any of these... but i'm trying) Sometimes I wonder if it can be hard to be my friend, but at the same time, it's weird to be so known by so many people but sometimes feel so lonely. But I'm not asked out, ever. And it seems like anyone who cares gets snatched away. High school is dumb. A little over rated. It shouldn't matter, but I'll be honest, sometimes it hurts more than anyone can know. As silly as this sounds, girls need to hear you're beautiful instead of you're hot. I can count on one hand the guys who have called me beautiful, who have loved me for me. Girls same goes for you, I think we need to tell the guys that they are gentlemen. Call it old fashioned, but it's something I believe in.

really really random thought.... but you know when you have those days when you're getting ready for bed, and you just look nice. Especially your hair, like it's not bad or average looking, it's just nice. Sometimes I just wish I could freeze my hair like that and put it on every day with no effort. Because who says tomorrow my hair won't set on fire and fall out? (okay a little ridiculous, I know... forgive me. It's 2 am) However, So it is with life. I find it funny that we spend more time remember the "bad hair days" as opposed to the good ones. So from now on I just want to learn lessons from the bad ones, and remember the good days because these past two days haven't been to bad. :)

And you know. Maybe our fairy tales and happily ever afters aren't going to be picture perfect, or even what we imagined. But I wouldn't trade this fairy tale I'm living for anything.

I'm also always down for a good blanket fort. I know what I'm doing tomorrow afternoon.

endings, beginnings, pages, chapters, ect.

Location: My wonderful bed

Listening to: The best Pandora play list ever.

Avoiding: being productive.

School starts in two days. I have essay(s) to finish, things to do. Let's be frank... none of this is going to get done until Wednesday night at about... ohhh say, eleven pm. Procrastination how I love thee. But in all fairness I'm doing pretty good. I actually read both books and EVEN annotated, that is a big deal for me. I have written one essay, but the other is nonexistent. So far. Enough about school.

Summer has be absolutely splendidly fantastic. I've played way to much lacrosse, ran lots of xc, learned more about myself, endless nights at the park, and more. I'm sitting here in my room, looking at my wall which is covered in pictures. They're all perfect snapshots of memories that bring a smile to my face whenever I need it. There's pictures of people who love me, who I love, and things I never want to forget. One that I recently just printed off is a picture of some of my very best friends at prom. I look at it and smile because we are all rather unconventional which makes me love them even more. This picture was taken to be sent to a man by the name of L Tom Perry. Are we all posing nicely? negative. I'm being typical me- mouth open laughing my head off. Kels is in the the front striking some ninja pose and everyone is just... themselves. That's what I love. This summer we've gone on adventures, had dress up parties, photo scavenged, spent more than enough time in the new Micheal's, pulled shenanigans, boated way to much, and made simply amazing memories. I live for summers. And while this may be the last summer of being a "child" ever, I'm perfectly content with how everything happened. I don't want it to end, but it must.. and that means goodbyes. I don't want to say goodbye to everyone. Only because I don't believe in goodbyes. Sadly there's this thing called college and it's eating all my friends. If you see it, I suggest you run away... and direct it back towards me to eat me too.

I'm sitting here musing over nothing and I realize how blessed I really am. One more year. I'm ready. It's not going to be a cakewalk, but I'll make it. I'm entering with confidence and excitement for what is yet to come. Who knows where I'll be in a year. I'm excited to find out & I'm looking forward to the adventure.


This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath
- Regina Spektor

It's a long shot

Location: house. hallway. floor.

Listening to: Waking Ashland & Death Cab

Avoiding: waiting for something that isn't happening tonight

I'm being held back by bounds I can't control. Invisible chains. I want to be reckless, be free, be anything. I want to love like I never have before. I want to feel with such passion that I can't even see straight- that all I can do is smile.

bring it on senior year. bring it on.

I think...

Location: Office

Listening to: Eric Hutchinson

Avoiding: The Great Gatsby

Summer is super. I've been thinking, heard some people think aloud. Here's a few for ya.

-They say you're sent here to earth to do so many things, I'm so far behind I'll never die -- Grandpa

-Many of us do receive blessings in disguise. Sometimes, such horrible, horrible disguise.

-As you get older, it is harder to have heroes; but it's sort of necessary.

-When was the last time you did something for the first time?

-Do you have to stop when you are backing up through a stop sign? [best friends ever.]

Visual Puns make me giggle.

I need a new theme song... for life.

the end.

for now.

Word Vomit

Location: Stiff chair

Listening to: Jack Johnson

Avoiding: What ever one avoids at 1:17 am.

So here comes the word vomit... sometimes, things just come out... and actually make sense. I don't want to complain. Because complaining on blogs seems rather cliché. Although, I am a culprit. So can I gripe? State issues? Say what's on my mind? Can I do it with out being cliché? I could try. I'll also be two times as likely to mess this all up. But I suppose everyone deserves their place to display what they have and leave it to the critics to tear apart. I don't even know where I'm going with this. My mind just flows. I'm constantly growing and changing. I try to understand and learn from life a little more each day... so, my mind keeps being reorganized and renewed with the current of day to day life. Maybe this is the adventure in life, just trying to get it right. It doesn't always go the way we plan, so we go back in our heads and re work everything, re define, re adjust... after this is done, well, we find out who our real friends are. The ones who help you through whatever "re" process, and watch you stumble, but still help. They give us a safe place to figure everything out, to talk to. Actually, seems we feel loneliest when we don't have anyone to talk to about our new ideas. My best friends, well, their those who listen, let me laugh, let me talk, let me smile when it's ridiculous, they still love me as I re think me. I miss some of those people. Terribly. They're far away.. I'm re thinking/defining/adjusting me right now. I'll let you know how it goes.

Frozen things they all unfreeze.

Location; a clean desk.

Listening to; summertime :) playlist.

Avoiding; Packing

I'll make this one a quickie. Seeing as I still need to pack and check off 1298675 things to do before I go to bed. And no, I do not regret the choices I made today to cause all this "to do" stuff to be pushed back to now.

1) Sometimes I look at people, and what they say, and I really just wish I knew exactly what they meant. I want to decode them sometimes. As weird as that is. Reading minds would be nice. I mean, (I know I'm a culprit...) ambiguousness would be a nice thing to rid the world of.

2) I miss my best friend.

3) Katie gets here in approx. 13 days. David in 11. :D

anddd

4) It's summer!!! Hallelujah. life is basically, cross country, lax, work, and playing outside in the glorious sunshineee (: I L-O-V-E loveee it.