Friday, August 19, 2011

Word Vomit.

Setting the mood: Florence + the Machine & the xx.

I'm sitting here. With less than 24 hours of being homeless. No one has quite arrived, they haven't left either.

so here I stand.

My heart wants to be in several different places right now. I know I made the right decision. Being here. Still, my heart flits about in so many places. Logic says it's not possible. My heart is giving everything to defy. To prove them wrong.

Maybe I'll try. I still don't know just how high I can fly...



Took this the other day outside the library. Maybe this is my struggle. I love my Father in Heaven. So naturally.

Balance my dear, balance.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

here I am. and here we go agian.

I really shouldn't be writing this.

I have finals to study for.

But sometimes, I just can't help but let my mind wander.

I've been listening to this all morning, something about it takes me back to last year, right before everything changed. Right before I began again. To the most perfect summer I had ever had. Oh what I would give to be barley 17 again. To just live that endless summer one more time.

I miss waking up every morning and practically sleeping in my running stuff just so I could stay in bed till the last possible moment before I went to cross country, which I sucked at, but loved nonetheless. Then coming home barley 9 am helping with whatever jobs needed to be done and watching VH1 jump start till someone called me who had just woken up and we began our adventures of the day.

Or every Tuesday morning when we would all go to the lake and wake board on perfect waters. I can still hear the shrill screams and cries of joy as we jumped in the water. Nearly getting a concussion, wrestling on the tubes, then going to lunch after. Perfection.

I miss the camps I would go to. Mostly girls camp and the simply wonderful air of love that you felt for that whole week. Somehow you could bring 200 girls together and have a week almost drama free. I miss dancing on tables, thunderstorms that we almost die in, being completely rediclious and having no one even question you.

I miss spending hours in Micheal's. Finding new roofs. Playing Lacrosse everyday. Taking so many pictures. Going to so many concerts, filling our souls with music. And the beautiful mountain summer nights where we would just lay and look at the stars. Talking to everyone for hours while they said goodbye and left for college. I guess I miss the innocence of what that last summer really was.

I didn't really get a summer this year. I did but I didn't. I didn't even get to really say goodbye. I just left my home town behind and didn't really look back. I miss Park City, the place I will forever call home, I miss it's beauty. The high of all summer being 84 degrees. Sometimes I wonder if I left my home to quickly. I've had life unfold for me down here, and I thank God daily for allowing it to happen. I know I'm ready to keep moving forward, but I feel like I'm living a dream, trying so hard to soak in the reality that is my life. Some days it just doesn't feel real.

The eternal sleepover is done. Our beds are moved back into our rooms. This summer has been crazier than ever. One of the hardest yet most thrilling adventures I've had. While my heart longs to go back to Summer 2010 I wouldn't have traded this for anything.