"Love everyone, Frazil" -KJ

Soooo, I've got, oh about 80 zillion things buzzing around in my noggin. From the abstract to the concrete. The awesome to the melancholy.

I have found it rather amusing that when I think, I step back and pretend my life is a movie. Replaying scenes. I, the commentary, am revealing the underlying plot. Really I think my life would make an excellent sitcom. Would likely end up like the Wonder Years or Malcom in the Middle. Everything wouldn't turn out so perfect but hey, I'm okay with that one.

Anywayysss. Some of the things that are floating around up in the ocean of my thoughts.

- How are we supposed to know when we're in love? How do we know we're ready? I think I am . . . I would like to be. But how do you knowwww he loves youuuu how do you knowww he cares? (sorry... enchanted tangent... :P) Perhaps it's like when we know something is true. We just know. It is just high school after all... but you can love someone right? Actually, yes. You can. I love all the boys that I hang out with because every single one is like a brother, okay maybe it's not that kind of "love" but every single one of those boys treats me to the highest potential that I can be. I suppose that they are teaching me what a man will treat me like. The qualities that I will love in my "dream man"

- I do realize that people make mistakes . . . and I may have been the perpetrator of some in the recent past. Although, I'm not exactly sure what I have done . . . If any of you read this, I know I have told you in person, but please just realize, I'm sorry. I'm human. Not perfect. I'm really trying though. I miss you all. Miss how it was. Please let me know it's all right.

-I'm not angry anymore. Just disappointed. Anger is a choice. I'm choosing not to be.

-I will not give up. I am strong.

- New motto. Good thing you have real friends (I love you chloe sumsion)

-Please, don't tell me I don't know what I want. I do. I want you to be happy.

-Perhaps you came into my life to help me repair some friendships . . . now that's done. It might mean loosing you. . . . . . . . . . . . . . as much as I don't want that.

-I'm surrounded by people that care for me. People I can always go to. No matter what. I'm so blessed to have them in my life. Even if they aren't near. I do miss the far away ones terribly, but am so grateful to have the ones near that I do.

-I found out today that I will only be about $450 dollars out by the end of the month. . . as opposed to $2,500. Hollar.

-I will smile. Because I love to smile.

-Vegas in approx 41 days. Love my team.

Also, sundance started today. . . we know what that means! Crappy driving conditions, parking, poking fun at the tourists, famous people, roofs, and wait listing. Yep, I'm just that awesome. Kinda.

A few things

1) I would give anything to be 862 miles from here right now.

2) I wish he would hold me, and never let go.

3) vedera = the best publicly undiscovered, sarah discovered group i have EVER heard. go listen if you don't believe me.



"smile, like you've got nothing to prove. there's always someone cooler than you" -- courtesy of Ben folds.

I'd rather embark

I pose the question of which is harder, or on the contrary easier.... Leaving, or being left.


In my opinion it is much easier to be the one leaving than the one left. My reasoning is as such. If you are the one leaving, you have already accepted the fact that things are not going to be the same. In a relationship things have changed for you and there is little hurt to get over; if in a relationship you are the one being left it takes you by suprise. You wonder what could have been done differently? why is this happening? and it hurts. There is no fair warning. No mental preparation. Just a hammer coming down on glass.

Now the same goes for leaving a place or group of people. Yes, there are memories. Goodbyes are never fun. You miss people. Yet, there is a whole NEW adventure waiting for you. New people, places, activities, experiences. Everything is a rush to the senses. You still have those memories of the old, and yes, being new can be hard... with time you adjust and everything is hunky dori. I personally believe that when people move away they take a little bit of you with them. They don't know but they do. The worst part is that the person that has been left has to watch someone else have this magnificent change while their life stays relatively... dull. The person left behind has to see all the places where memories were made so often it's hard not to think about. Especially when you are in a small town. It's hard to just merge into a new group of friends. People know your past. They don't want to accept you. Either that or they demand change. It makes you miss the person who left even more.

I love Park City, don't get me wrong. It's a love hate relationship. So bittersweet. It's an amazing place, and has some opportunities that are out of this world. I'm so blessed to live somewhere so beautiful... and at the same time it's a little bit of a curse. You are determined who you are in about the 4th grade. Obviously I wasn't clued in... but I'm glad I was not. People grew up together. And it seems the more "original" you are... the more we hate each other... a sad, but true reality. People either stay true to themselves or morph into this collective blob of grayness to "fit in." Although I would miss certain aspects I just wish I could leave sometimes. Be the new person for once. Have a different adventure. Get out of this distorted bubble. My time will come... year and a half more.

That being said. I think next time I would rather be the one who leaves. not left behind... College is going to rock.