We planned it.

There is a theme to every day at camp. Natalie and I decided to get real into the twin day thing. A lot of people refer to us as team utah so that's what we went as. We matched all the way down to our shoe laces and watches. 

To reflect

Camp is a really interesting place. 

We dedicate so much time to these kids. 

Close to 17 hours everyday. 

I don't mind. 

I love playing with them. 

My supervisor told me that I'm giving more than I'm getting back. 

Which is fine. 

but dangerous. 

I would have to agree. 

To reflect is an act. 

a careful consideration.

a thought.

an image. 

an act that takes time.

how very crucial 

to keeping the existence

of our very souls intact.  

Go on, shine.

however

take time to let some of that light come back to you. 

Halfway there

Week 1 of three of Session 2 is over. 

Time is starting to pick up, it is a really bitter sweet thing. 

The challenge team is made up of some of the most amazing people and I consider it a privilege to be able to spend these short 10 weeks with them. We met only 5 weeks ago, yet it feels as if we have known each other for ages. 

This week was a good one in challenge. I have had the opportunity to work with a group of 7 girls between the ages of 13-15. These girls are truly phenomenal. We have been working with them on teamwork and effective communication. They are all very competitive so it can be a struggle for people to feel they are being heard or appreciated in the group. 

Yesterday I took them up on the multivine in the high ropes course. Some really incredible moments happened up there. One girl started crying after she came down and her whole team was there by her side immediately. Chants of "we're here for you" "you can do it" "i know how you feel i was just as scared" were heard all through the hour. They were being open, they were being vulnerable(a crucial part of this process), they were connecting. I had to step back and think to myself, "this is my job, I hang out with kids and help them find better sides to themselves." 

I am so incredibly lucky. 

Every day I laugh.

If you don't laugh you'll cry as we say here. 

Moments of the week:

Calling Seth(a camper on the spectrum) from the challenge phone and ordering pizzas then asking him where they were whenever i saw him. 

Peter walking over to the 5 gallon bucket of water I had out for a game, picking the whole thing up and dumping it on himself then just looking at me and saying, "wet boy! happy boy! i sorry!" 

Adam (one of my campers) seeing bananas on the table for breakfast, throwing his hands up and running out the other side of the dining hall saying, "IT'S A BANANA DEATH TRAP!!"

From Natalie: JD was climbing up on high ropes and just kept going "sweet mother molasses! i can't die this way!" He also always asks to see our smiles.

David telling us every day that he is going to go get starbucks on his day off - i bet he'll have a story about it tomorrow. 

This place is crazy. 

It's a really great job I have, exhausting but wonderful. No doubt I'm looking forward to being back in Utah, but i will also miss it here. We play with kids. What more could you want?

This poem describes exactly what I do and what I want to do with my career path. 

I tried to teach my child with books

he gave me only puzzled looks 

I tried to teach my child with words

they passed him by often unheard

despairingly, i turned aside 

how shall i teach this child i cried!

come, he said, play with me. 

Keep a childlike awe. 

love life. 

see you soon utah. 

For Superman, and my sister!

Yesterday was really hard. 

Just a typical Tuesday, I had bunks run out on me in challenge, was covered in hives, and worked till a little after midnight.

I also went on a run, got to belay lots, made friends with Emanuel (a camper) and ate peaches. Those things were happy. 

This morning I decided to forget what happened yesterday and make today great. 

The bunk that I ran through ropes course this morning didn't try to physically fight with each other! While curse words were flying everywhere while they were up on the ropes I didn't really care because they were also cheering one another on. Boo ya. It was just a brief second,but that brief second held glimmers of relationships that are there and held close like a family. 

I had my trail kids up with me this afternoon and I ran the pamper pole with them. I was so happy when Adam, my camper who is limited verbal climbed up 6 rungs on the ladder and communicated that he was done. 

Before each camper climbs we ask them what their goal is, Rayon kept saying to superman! Right before he got on the ladder he looks at me and says for superman, and my sister! He took a step up and decided that was enough. Suddenly there was a second wind of courage and Rayon climbed up 4 rungs on the ladder. The kids were cheering like crazy and he just can't stop smiling!

This is why I love this place. 

Small acts are celebrated every day and these kids really do love each other, even if they fight, even if they call each other names, even if they say that everyone hates them or that they don't like anybody.

I also love how pure everyone's thought process is. Rayon loves superman, and he loves his sister. 

The small things pull me through each day. 

I want to have some epic conclusion or reflection to this story. . . i'm still processing. 

This is what I know. 

Happiness comes from our choices.

I'm choosing happiness. 

Choosing to see the good in each day. 

Helping others to make those choices as well

no matter how hard. 

A broken throne

So remember that time a kid threw a tantrum and literally shattered the toilet. the second day of camp.

Well, here's the proof. 

I don't make these stories up.

It's nuts here. 

I love camp.

Also, rama plauge hit this week. Pretty much half of camp is in "isolation" which is quarantine. 

Ashton has beat me at chess about 14 times, which is every time. 

Caillou (notorious for raising all sorts of problems) and I had a real conversation where I was educated about baseball and other sports, what to do in the city, and what foods he thinks are good.

Matt and Nick, who fight all the time, worked together on the rock garden (a low ropes element) and after told me that they could try to keep being friends at their next activity because it felt good to be nice.

Peter rice and I played blues clues

Steven asked my name 7 times, how to spell it, and then started calling me "Sarah Jessica Brothers"

I got Pierre (a kid who pretends to be non verbal) to use his words during challenge. 

and so much more. I love these kids so much. Even though they are a pain one second, then they do something amazing the next and you can't help but love them. I love behavioral kids for some reasons and I love the autistic ones for others. They are each an individual, and each one is wonderful in their own way. There's nothing wrong with these kids, they just need to be taken care of or taught in ways that are different from a factory. There is no cookie cutter answer, it's complicated, it's messy, it's hard, and i love it (most of the time) :)

Sundays in NY

One day way back in late march tom talked about visiting his grandma in Boston during the summer. 

I jokingly said, "when you're there we should hang out in New York"

a chuckle and oh that sounds great was all that was said about the matter until a few weeks ago. 

We actually pulled it off and yesterday was spend blissfully gallivanting around New York City with one of my favorite people.

Saturday night I rode the train from Rhinecliff to Penn Station, got a little lost on the subway, found the uptown train, made it to Time Square, Grand Central, then finally 86th on the upper east side and found where I would be spending the night. Lorinda, shout out for your help in contacting your friends, they were so kind and wonderful. 

Sunday I got up early and was able to go to church! It was so refreshing to attend. If I can go at least every other week, I think I'll be able to make it through the summer. 

The church in Manhattan is really cool! It looks just like any other building and then when you go inside it's like you've been transported back to Utah. also everything is stacked. It was a wonderful morning. 

Tom, his dad and grandma picked me up and we went all over New York. 

Ground Zero, Brooklyn Bridge, Time Square, Little Italy, then finally made it up to the MET and Central Park. 

The MET and Central Park were my favorite part of the day. I would have been perfectly happy hanging out at those places all day.

Tom pulling a Ferris Bueller at the MET. (Cameron)

A little excited to be riding the Subway. 

Dave was so kind to offer to drive me back to camp, so they got to see what I do on the daily. 

All in all. Yesterday was great. I loved every second. 

Tom is kind of my very favorite. And yesterday might have very well been the highlight of my summer. 

see ya in 47 days utah. 

is it awful that i know that?