spɹɐʍʞɔɐq pooʇsɹǝpun ʎןuo sı ǝɟıן

Location; the blissful sunshine on the floor of my room


Listening to; the temper trap. (could listen to them forever)


Avoiding; thoughts of school tomorrow, ie. chem, lang, calc...



yet, it must be lived forwards.

Third quarter just ended [thank heavens] I only have five more quarters of high school...weird... but awesome. I can't wait. All nostalgia aside, the past and future kind, I learned a lot this quarter. Not everything was a lesson I necessarily wanted, yet, I needed them. I don't always understand why things happen the way they do, as does everyone, but then you look back and see why. It's like in those movies when the protagonist finally understands why they lost their love. Or why everything fell into place the way it did. Those moments that pulled trigger, replayed in one giant montage in their haid. [this is when a pensive would be handy]

I love to watch people. According to some, I'm a slight creeper. But human interaction fascinates me. You can learn so much from someone just by watching them interact with others from a distance and then comparing it to how they interact with you. It's amazing how you can either spot inconsistincies, or see that they really are a genuine person just by watching and listening when you are with others. Baffels me really. Occasionally I really want to see inside someone elses head. I want to know what they are thinking. See how they understand the world. Just see how they go from one point to the next. That would be the coolest thing ever. Quite the learning tool.

. . . anyways. Occasionally we learn truths that are bitter, but no surprise. And those suck. Not going to lie. Especially when you already had an idea about it, but had so much hope for things to be the other way-- and when the person doesn't even have the guts to tell it to your face. Freak. I'd much rather hear it to my face, because then I know that I'm at least worth the truth. Meh, that's done. I can't change what people think about me. And at one point or another, you have to be okay with that- because it's high school; and high school is overrated. The only thing that I have to be satisfied with is to know that I did everything in my power to make things correct and be a good person. Others have to come and meet you somewhere. There is a point where you just gotta leave the olive branch there, and move on. It's not worth my time and energy anymore when I just keep getting slammed against walls. I'm gone. . . tangent. Apologies.

As for learning lessons--yeah, these are just random lessons I've learned. And want to share. Sorry for the jumpiness... maybe you'll find something you're looking for :)

For lax, our motto this year is a quote by Dan Green [neat guy, go read his books.] "Regardless of what came before or what has yet to come, what matters most right now is how i choose to respond to the challenge before me. Will I lie down or will I fight? The choice is MINE and i choose to FINISH STRONG!" Words to live by, not only in a game but in life. <3

Do things that make you happy. Document them in photos or writing, put them on your wall or somewhere you always look. So then when people do stupid things, you have something amazing to look back on.

Sometimes, we have to forget about how we feel, and remember what we deserve. Whatever I have tried to do in life, I have tried with all my heart to do it well.

True friendship can afford true knowledge. It does not depend on darkness and ignorance.

You never have to have a reason to smile, but you always have to have a reason to frown (thanks rach)

I read a book called looking for Alaska, by John green, go read it. Favorite book ever. The whole book is centered around the great question, "How will we ever get out of this labyrinth?". I love this quote, "Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia. . . you spend your whole life stuck in this labyrinth, thinking how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining the future is what keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future as a means to escape the present." . . . the way out is to forgive.

In other news.
I'm starting in lax :D Wahooo! I'm glad all my hard work is finally paying off. It feels so good. And I love playing with the girls!

I love them. So much.

Also, I really hope I get asked to Prom [by someone that wouldn't be completley awk...] For now, we wait.

Digging Deeper

Location: The swivel chair in the office

Listening to: Foo Fighters and such

Avoiding: That's a good question. Homework? frustration? people? all of the above?


Oh today, today, today. It's been interesting. I've hit that point that I've been playing lacrosse so hard, staying up so late, and getting up so early (we're talking 4 hours of sleep...) I'm slightly past tired and on the verge of delusional. Cool.

I just drove the canyon way to fast, with the music way to loud, but it felt so good. I don't want to complain about being frustrated. I don't want to get angry at anyone. So driving is good, except road rage is bad. But I will say this about lax...

We have started games, and in Vegas we really gelled together. Tuesday we fought with all we had in some of the hardest elements to play the game in; pouring rain and slightly above freezing temperatures. We played with heart and came out on top. Today, people were lazy. For some reason I was started in Vegas-- and now for some reason I'm not. Not to say I'm not playing at all, I am in a lot... but I want to know why. I feel like I give it my all in practice everyday. I'm fighting so hard for that spot and they are giving it to some girl who is half ***ing it down the field. I just want to ask them what I need to do. They tell me to dig deep, and I am, I'm digging so deep. Giving it my all. Never giving up on a play. Playing with heart. Playing because I LOVE THE GAME. I don't know what else to focus on. It's like even though I'm playing good body, keeping on my toes, keeping the girl out from scoring, repossessing the ball, playing game speed all the time- even in practice it's not enough. Will it ever be enough? What will it take? How much harder am I going to have to fight? I'll just keep pushing.

In other news
I have the best leaders in the world. I may not always like my ward the best just because of the awkward situations of age. But I will say, I am beyond lucky, so blessed, to have some of the adults that I do in my life. I think they know who they are. I aspire to one day be like them, in my own way. I love them, I love them, I love them so so so much. Here is a word of wisdom that I got from one last night--- "You will always have good and bad days.... make the best of it while you are here.... it always seems more bleak anticipating the storm than it is once it gets here"--- yep, amazing.

I'm blessed. I know I am. Everything happens for a reason. I could go on, alas, I need to attempt to get my calculus score 8-10 points up. Love y'all' lots.