Digging Deeper

Location: The swivel chair in the office

Listening to: Foo Fighters and such

Avoiding: That's a good question. Homework? frustration? people? all of the above?


Oh today, today, today. It's been interesting. I've hit that point that I've been playing lacrosse so hard, staying up so late, and getting up so early (we're talking 4 hours of sleep...) I'm slightly past tired and on the verge of delusional. Cool.

I just drove the canyon way to fast, with the music way to loud, but it felt so good. I don't want to complain about being frustrated. I don't want to get angry at anyone. So driving is good, except road rage is bad. But I will say this about lax...

We have started games, and in Vegas we really gelled together. Tuesday we fought with all we had in some of the hardest elements to play the game in; pouring rain and slightly above freezing temperatures. We played with heart and came out on top. Today, people were lazy. For some reason I was started in Vegas-- and now for some reason I'm not. Not to say I'm not playing at all, I am in a lot... but I want to know why. I feel like I give it my all in practice everyday. I'm fighting so hard for that spot and they are giving it to some girl who is half ***ing it down the field. I just want to ask them what I need to do. They tell me to dig deep, and I am, I'm digging so deep. Giving it my all. Never giving up on a play. Playing with heart. Playing because I LOVE THE GAME. I don't know what else to focus on. It's like even though I'm playing good body, keeping on my toes, keeping the girl out from scoring, repossessing the ball, playing game speed all the time- even in practice it's not enough. Will it ever be enough? What will it take? How much harder am I going to have to fight? I'll just keep pushing.

In other news
I have the best leaders in the world. I may not always like my ward the best just because of the awkward situations of age. But I will say, I am beyond lucky, so blessed, to have some of the adults that I do in my life. I think they know who they are. I aspire to one day be like them, in my own way. I love them, I love them, I love them so so so much. Here is a word of wisdom that I got from one last night--- "You will always have good and bad days.... make the best of it while you are here.... it always seems more bleak anticipating the storm than it is once it gets here"--- yep, amazing.

I'm blessed. I know I am. Everything happens for a reason. I could go on, alas, I need to attempt to get my calculus score 8-10 points up. Love y'all' lots.