recalculating.

no lacrosse till next fall.

they want me.

but not right now.

it sucks.

but

so many blessings in disguise.

so many tender mercies.

i can take RMYL classes now.

i can get stronger. faster. 

i can have more time to study.

i can balance work easier. 

i can spend time with people i care about.

i met celeste.

and siera.

i know i can blow the coaches out of the water next year.

i can figure this crazy freshman year out.

i'm not giving up.

just watch me prove how wrong you are.

my heart is in it. i won't take no for an answer. mark my words.

i can sleep.

who.what.why.where.when.

soundtrack: coldplay. can't get enough.

I wish. That everything here wasn't so shallow.

College.

It's all about creating yourself. Starting new.

Forget the past.

Be who you want.

we've heard all the clichés.

 but it makes everyone around you seem rather shallow.  I don't remember the last time I had a real GOOD conversation with someone. Okay. Well maybe I've had a few.  But they were with people who I've grown up with. Who know me. Who I am. What I mean. I didn't have to explain myself.

but everyone here. It's like I can't crack the code. When are we going to let somebody in?

Every day the conversations. "hi" "how are you" "good, you?" "great" "bye" does anyone really care? I want my best friend back. I could talk about anything. Everything. Fears. Hopes. Dreams. And those hugs. I got one like it the other day and died inside. I'm afraid things will never be the same. I've written 8 letters... haven't heard from him since May.

so much soul.

no where to go.

i need to write an essay.
total.
waste.
of.
time.
i don't even care.

and reading back through all my gmail chats wasn't the best idea i've had in a while... if you still stalk my blog. i wish things turned out differently. but i can't change the past. I was so nieve. I sincerely hope you're happy. 

'And so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past'

smile.

Soundtrack: Mylo Xyloto. pure. bliss.

It's amazing how so many small things can change how you feel so fast.

I'm just so happy right now, and so is everyone around me.

it's been a fabulous weekend. 

college. please, slow down.

The new Coldplay album is amazing. 

I got asked on a date.

made a new friend.

took some better pictures today.

and I stepped on some particularly crunchy leaves today. Which in my book is a wonderful thing.

Autumn is my favorite season.

they'll tell 1,000 storiees

they'll tell 1,000 stories

I'll go inside one day :)

She's a beaut

And mainly we just thought this was hilarious when we walked up to find t rane asleep. with his scriptures. in a hammock 

love this kid. so glad we're best friends. don't know what I'll do winter semester when he leaves!

ramblings of a college student.

Soundtrack: i-tunes shuffle. revamped. remastered. wonderful.

thanks for the music t-rane.

sitting here. on my bed. 2411 Young hall. oh yes. nothing better. 

this post really has not point. other than I don't feel like sleeping. 

Thinking about a lot of things. ha. nothing's really connected. I'll start by telling you about today.

Wednesday. nothing special. just another wednesday. I rather like them. I woke up about 8. Studied till 10. went and took my test. did okay. science. then made theeee best lunch ever. only our oven wasn't working so I  cooked my chicken nuggets with the microwave and a pan on the stove. but then when I sat down to eat lunch I looked at my plate, and laughed out loud.

I'm really 5 inside. Lunch proved that.

I had. Chicken Nuggets. A sliced up orange. Grapes. Nesquick Chocolate milk. yes they all were finger foods. and yes I enjoyed it. Perhaps too much. And to finish it off I had dinosaur fruit snacks :)

Then I took a nap instead of reading for history. went to work. and then got J-dawgs & watched how to train your dragon with Patrick Leishamn. Kid's a gem. top notch wednesday. However, I was a little sad I didn't get to talk with gigi today... I will ASAP.

so my life. It's been a little bit crazy. I should really write in my journal more.

list of life. college. dorms. byu. how I feel. ect.

I love staying up all weekend long. being ridiculous including;

getting attacked/hugged by cosomo at work

crazy neon dances

lost and found sale

camping infront of the wilk

playing lacrosse on NO sleep

kamas and racquet ball

hotpotts & getting lost

pc at 4 am. 

bed at 5.... 2 hours of sleep

my life & thoughts.

how i didn't work out today....

i should be sleeping.

i love laughing

i need to meet more people

i love having best friends.

i want to cuddle.

olivia clayton is the cutest & prettiest baby EVER. 

I think this  \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ is hilarious... 

how happy i am to be done with tests for the week

what classes should i take

sometimes I feel like an awful roommate

i love fall

how much i adore and love chole sumsion

how excited I am for 4:00 practice

how time doesn't feel real here

i love red heads.

a letter would be nice

how good the beach would feel

i need a good concert

coldplay's album comes out in like 4 days. SOEXCITEDICOULCRY!

how i need to sell these to help pay for lacrosse

 $10. please please please let me know if you want one!! :)

 <3

I could write so much more. I feel like I just lay here at night and have a million things to think about and do... but I don't want to bore you... but here's a funny picture for you. and one of the many reasons I LOVE provo....because it's weird. 

life's good.

so please tell me what there's to complain about

peace and blessings y'all. have sweet dreams!!

solace.

Soundtrack. Boyce Avenue.

so many things running through my head.

need to be.

so many ideas.

need to sleep.

enjoy these. 

 and this

 remind me of summer.

and finally just because I love Coldplay with all my heart

his voice.

be calm.

The weather

soundrack: bill hamblin. simply a riveting lecture...the persians were cool.

So this morning when I work up at 6:15 (a little late - had to be at work about 35 minutes later) I looked out the window and couldn't really see anything but I thought to myself. Today, today I will be happier than a bird with a french fry. 

I threw on my tights and boots. and today has been pretty great. 

I've had the biggest grin on my face all day.

After work I walked outside to this

and this is why I LOVE Utah. 

Really though, it's finally boots & tights weather. 

I went and got my thesis reviewed, traditions was social hour as always, Book of Mormon just made me happier and history is actually bearable. 

The weather is just wonderful today. This whole week has been my most favorite weather. overcast. rainy. seattle like. sweater weather. boots and tights. oh yes. simply the best. 

And as I was walking to the JSB this morning I looked around. And it finally hit me. I'm here. I'm in college. It was nice to feel adult for a moment, then I laughed because I'm still just a kid.

A kid who is happy. And that's what matters. 

Time is moving faster than I would like.

Soundtrack: gigi's weekly mix.... miss her.

I really should be sleeping.... seems to be something I should be doing a lot.

this weekend. was arguably one of the best I've had in a while. I needed to get out of provo. so we did. Also the fact that it was conference made it about six billion times better. 

we began by going up to the saturday afternoon session of conference. We got there way early because we had amazing seats. We just chilled out in our section for about an hour and a half it was nice to just sit and be with friends in this amazing place. It was amazing, when the first presidency walked in. Everyone was just so quiet, and the spirit filled the room so quickly - these men are truly servants of God. The spirit was just wonderful, I felt so encircled with the love of my Heavenly Father, so blessed. 

Jack, Alyssa, Lexi, Taylor, & myself all at conference.

after the boys went with my dad to priesthood and the girls headed up to PC. we stopped at cafe rio, got THREE free meals, and saw Elaine S. Dalton - we just chatted. She is the coolest.  

We slept over at my house. Had a delicious breakfast of omelets made by poppa and it was wonderful. just felt so nice to be home. Listened to the morning session of conference, got some good tips for being better. During the break mom wanted some family pictures. And oh, we got some family pictures... some funny ones too :)

ALSO meet Olivia - newest member to our clan, I'm an aunt!

SUCH a beautiful baby, right?

 I really like the clouds in this one. Such amazing coloring. I miss Park City in the fall

The whole fam damily. Love them. With all my heart

So after we decided to frolic in the field and take our own pictures...

 One of my personal favorites, lexi kinda makes this shot. 

And this. This is where I grew up. Fall is my favorite season. I miss it, I live for autumn nights, afternoons. Everything.

On the way home we stopped by the Barr's house. I miss them. It was so good to just chat with them, I almost feel more inspired to go continue the idea I had last week at the real beauty seminar - I'll let it be known when progress comes, but I think I might make a difference with this one. 

Life is good. It really is. I'm also trying to be more real with myself and the situations life brings around.  Sometimes, things get messy - we don't really know what to do.  I'm having the greatest time ever.  And at the same time there are so many things you are constantly bombarded with as a college student, life has crazy twists and turns, and really you gotta love people while they are here.  You need to sleep more.  Prioritize better.   I miss geeeggg and kenny.  and sometimes I wish I could just understand people's motives & what they were really thinking.  I'm growing.  Redefining myself every day.  Learning how to be a better friend.  A better daughter.  A better me. 

ALSO.

Men. Boys. Alike. If you want to immediately make me fall in love with you. Be a gent - open doors, treat girls wonderfully. Also. Dress nicely like Joseph Gordon Levitt or Simon Baker. Fitted suits. Skinny ties. French Cuffs. Clean cut hair. Ray Bans. gets me every time.