antidotes

the other day, ashton, one of my campers who likes to pretend to be far too cool for school but secretly loves camp, was telling me about his day while i was up working in challenge.

he told me he got a letter with a picture and asked if i wanted to see it. 

I told him, "yes." 

The picture was of him and a girl about his size all dolled up. 

I asked him who it was. 

to which he replies, "that's my girlfriend and me and fifth grade graduation, we've been together since march 11th"

the days are long, but i love these kids. 

17 hour days.

sometimes i really think i'm crazy.

i'm so exhausted. 

so tired of just accepting that it's not anything that i'm doing that these kids are acting this way. 

hanging on to every shred of hope that one child will have a break through.

that they might break the habits and everything they know. 

about ready to just lay down and say "no more. not today. i'm sorry i can't."

then a child who struggles to keep his patience and temper helps a non verbal child understand and participate.

i can hang on for one more hour. one more day. 

one foot in front of the other

one foot

About 2 and a half weeks ago i left on an adventure for summer and really had no idea what i was getting into.

literally.

the last 2 weeks were referred to as orientation.

they kept telling us the real training would start when campers arrived.

i was skeptical.

guess what.

they were right. 

last night i have never gone to bed more discouraged, tired, and overwhelmed in my life.

i have also never gone to bed more excited to give more than what is asked, hopeful, and ready to start a new day. 

every day i am in awe. 

these kids, while they have special needs, are amazing and so wonderful.

each one is unique in their own way.

the reason this is so hard is because of those attributes because there is no perfect answer. 

there is no clear way to deal with every situation. 

you have guidelines and different rules

then you make it work.

just like life. 

ramapo is a special place.

i'm happy to be here right now.

every day is hard. 

we're learning and growing. 

everyone together. camper and counselor. 

it's hard. but i'll be better for it. i know it. 

just put one foot, in front of the other.

that's how we're getting through this summer. 

there are also some pretty fantastic individuals here. 

Jenna and Natalie who work on the challenge team with me are some of my very best friends. 

I'm glad heaven decided to give them to me.